6.07.2004

Six Feet Under: Top 10 Gayest Moments

So recently, I was commissioned to write the following piece for a marketing company and HBO. You will catch it on various websites such as gaywired.com, gay.com, msn.com and etc. However, I wanted to post it up here because you will undoubtedly see an edited and toned down version so - here it is, in its full frontal glory.



Top 10 Gayest Moments

David on Broadway
Glowing from a night well spent with her boyfriend, Claire breaks into bawdy song and dance with “What a Little Moonlight Can Do.” Watch David’s inner queen explodes as he steals the scene with his fabulous back up performance. You go girl!

A Boy and His Doll
A young David is seen running around with a naked GI Joe doll. It’s a classic memory in many of our lives, when we had our first introduction to the All American Hero only to be disappointed by his G-rated construction.

TMI (Too Much Info)
Upon discovering a pierced penis on a dead gay man, David gives Rico, along with every hetero American watching, a graphic history lesson on the Prince Albert as well as the joys and benefits of shaved balls.

Best Performance in Drama
Keith and David have passionate, on-the-floor, lip-biting sex right after their equally passionate and heated fight about family, death, and love. We’ve all heard of make-up sex before, but only to a gay man can DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA be considered foreplay.

David and His Tights
David is caught wearing Claire’s black shirt on his way to the clubs. This is practically a Queer Eye moment as David begins the rite of every gay man’s passage: wearing shirts 2 sizes smaller than the recommended fit.

Boy-on-Boy Action
Brenda, continuing her sexual escapades away from Nate, has a threesome with two hunky young guys. Even in a straight situation, any time you get two horny lads naked together with a loose woman, you know there’s bound to be some male-to-male skin contact going on. Where's a Bel Ami pornographer when you need one.

Your Song
David and the LA Gay Men’s Chorus sing a choral arrangement of Elton John’s “Rocket Man.” Enough said.

Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean
As Keith waits patiently in bed, we get a glimpse of how David prepares himself before having sex with his boyfriend. David showers, scrubs, dries off, brushes his teeth, flosses, gargles and clips his nose and ear hair. How gay is the need to be squeaky clean for some good and dirty sex.

Ambiguously Gay
Claire has a thing for Russell. Russell has a thing for hair. The two spend a cozy afternoon together as he foils up her hair and brushes it carefully with blue dye. Ahhh – there’s love blossoming in the air. Too bad that there’s nothing straight about it!

Queer as Six Feet
In a club filled with flashing lights, thumping music and scantily-clad men, David takes ecstasy and winds up dancing with a water bottle in one hand and a cute shirtless date on the other. And later off camera, David runs into Justin and Brian in the backroom.