MY NEW STRAIGHT HERO
Excerpts from Bill Maher's closing monologue (courtesy of my friend Jeff) ....
... why does the Bush Administration want a Constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, why stop at weddings? Birthdays are important; let's put them in the great document. Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake. [laughter] [applause]...You know, to send the right message to kids. [laughter]
If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli. [laughter] [applause] If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to promote marriage, but gay marriage is opposed because it threatens or mocks or does something to the 'sanctity' of marriage, as if anything you can do in Vegas, drunk off your ass in front of an Elvis impersonator, could be considered sacred. [laughter] [applause]
All right, but at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue. They really believe that homosexuality is an abomination and a dysfunction that's curable. They believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay, because that theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests. [laughter] [applause]
But I have to tell you, the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an abomination. And therefore, their refusal to endorse gay marriage is hypocrisy. [applause] Their position doesn't come from the Bible. It's ripped right from the latest poll, which says most Americans are against gay marriage.
Well, you know what? Sometimes most Americans are just wrong. [applause]
And where is the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of 'civil union' and 'hate the sin, love the sinner' and say loud and clear, 'There is no sin; it's not an abomination and no one can control how cupid aims his arrows. And the ones who pretend they can usually turn out to be the biggest freaks.' [laughter] [applause] [cheers]
The law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100% outrageously, fabulously, undeniably, Fire Island gay! [applause] [cheers]
And they do not need reprogramming. [applause] [cheers]
Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. That's our show."
Excerpts from Bill Maher's closing monologue (courtesy of my friend Jeff) ....
... why does the Bush Administration want a Constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, why stop at weddings? Birthdays are important; let's put them in the great document. Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake. [laughter] [applause]...You know, to send the right message to kids. [laughter]
If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli. [laughter] [applause] If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to promote marriage, but gay marriage is opposed because it threatens or mocks or does something to the 'sanctity' of marriage, as if anything you can do in Vegas, drunk off your ass in front of an Elvis impersonator, could be considered sacred. [laughter] [applause]
All right, but at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue. They really believe that homosexuality is an abomination and a dysfunction that's curable. They believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay, because that theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests. [laughter] [applause]
But I have to tell you, the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an abomination. And therefore, their refusal to endorse gay marriage is hypocrisy. [applause] Their position doesn't come from the Bible. It's ripped right from the latest poll, which says most Americans are against gay marriage.
Well, you know what? Sometimes most Americans are just wrong. [applause]
And where is the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of 'civil union' and 'hate the sin, love the sinner' and say loud and clear, 'There is no sin; it's not an abomination and no one can control how cupid aims his arrows. And the ones who pretend they can usually turn out to be the biggest freaks.' [laughter] [applause] [cheers]
The law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100% outrageously, fabulously, undeniably, Fire Island gay! [applause] [cheers]
And they do not need reprogramming. [applause] [cheers]
Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. That's our show."
<< Home