LIFE - THE INDIAN GIVER
Remember how when you were in high school, the one thing that you didnt really want to matter but DID was how POPULAR you were.. and how POPULAR your lunch table was... and where you ranked in the POPULARITY charts... and how many POPULAR people signed your yearbook.
Then remember how once you got to college, none of that was a concern. It was just about having a solid group of friends, doing your own thing, testing your limits, and just having fun in between classes.
Then remember how once you entered adulthood, all the supporting scaffolds of identity came crashing down and you were left with just your bare self and your own future. You suddenly realized that your past did not matter as much as you had thought and therefore you did not have to be shy anymore. You did not have to always come in fourth place. You did not have to always say "yes." And with a smirk, you realized that your self worth was within yourself all along.
Sigh~ That is one of life's sweetest and most gracious gifts and its given to all the once-upon-a-times: the nerd, the school jock, the artsy fartsy, the homecoming queen, the wimp, and the nobody.
WELL FUCK ME !
cause for some reason that bullshit that I thought was buried in the past has now worked its way back into my life and I find myself in a world where dividing lines separate the IN crowd, the HOT crowd, the CONNECTED crowd from everyone else.. Those lines are so apparent to me that I can't help but want to be a part of it, to be included in it, to associate with, to party with, and to have those names in my cell phone. Today I was lookin at a website of a certain individual who chose to share all the fun picts of him and his beautiful friends and all the beautiful things they did together and how fuckin beautiful his life was. Hey I admit it. It made me feel less that I should and wanting something that I need not.
Its sad. Its a sad pathetic regression I tell ya.
My mid 20s were such a time of liberation and freedom but now I find myself being that awkward high school kid once again, seeking validation from others (hello.. a blog?) Im back on the outside lookin in on the "greener" action which I know to be just as green as the grass on my side.
I think it has to do with being in the GAY COMMUNITY, especially in LA where there is an oversaturation of muscle boys, hollywood hill parties, racism, and pretentious attitudes. (oh and if you host those hill parties, dont forget to send me an evite !)
I think it also has to do with workin the ENTERTAINMENT industry which is fueled on power breakfasts and who-do-you-know cocktails. (oh and if you work in the biz, leave your number in the comment section and I'll call ya)
Maybe its just me. Maybe Im just shallow but have no right to be.
Anyway, I can analyze, you can judge, and then we all fall down...
but for me, it just seems that life giveth and it took it back.
Then remember how once you got to college, none of that was a concern. It was just about having a solid group of friends, doing your own thing, testing your limits, and just having fun in between classes.
Then remember how once you entered adulthood, all the supporting scaffolds of identity came crashing down and you were left with just your bare self and your own future. You suddenly realized that your past did not matter as much as you had thought and therefore you did not have to be shy anymore. You did not have to always come in fourth place. You did not have to always say "yes." And with a smirk, you realized that your self worth was within yourself all along.
Sigh~ That is one of life's sweetest and most gracious gifts and its given to all the once-upon-a-times: the nerd, the school jock, the artsy fartsy, the homecoming queen, the wimp, and the nobody.
WELL FUCK ME !
cause for some reason that bullshit that I thought was buried in the past has now worked its way back into my life and I find myself in a world where dividing lines separate the IN crowd, the HOT crowd, the CONNECTED crowd from everyone else.. Those lines are so apparent to me that I can't help but want to be a part of it, to be included in it, to associate with, to party with, and to have those names in my cell phone. Today I was lookin at a website of a certain individual who chose to share all the fun picts of him and his beautiful friends and all the beautiful things they did together and how fuckin beautiful his life was. Hey I admit it. It made me feel less that I should and wanting something that I need not.
Its sad. Its a sad pathetic regression I tell ya.
My mid 20s were such a time of liberation and freedom but now I find myself being that awkward high school kid once again, seeking validation from others (hello.. a blog?) Im back on the outside lookin in on the "greener" action which I know to be just as green as the grass on my side.
I think it has to do with being in the GAY COMMUNITY, especially in LA where there is an oversaturation of muscle boys, hollywood hill parties, racism, and pretentious attitudes. (oh and if you host those hill parties, dont forget to send me an evite !)
I think it also has to do with workin the ENTERTAINMENT industry which is fueled on power breakfasts and who-do-you-know cocktails. (oh and if you work in the biz, leave your number in the comment section and I'll call ya)
Maybe its just me. Maybe Im just shallow but have no right to be.
Anyway, I can analyze, you can judge, and then we all fall down...
but for me, it just seems that life giveth and it took it back.
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