So the 1-yr anniversary of thatmattdude has arrived and with that I'm afraid its time for me to say my goodbyes.

It has been such an incredible journey on my end. If I pause to be honest with myself, I think somehow blogging filled that void of wanting to be interesting, wanting to be liked, wanting to be noticed, wanting to be bookmarked =) I think we all share that same hunger for validation in some form or another... and connecting with random people thru this medium for me, has been profoundly satisfying and healing. Looking back, I can see myself a year ago and clearly recognize the need back then to put myself out there. I was lost and I thought I needed to be heard before I could be found.

Guess what? I'm still lost! but these days, its a bit different. Actually its a lot different. As the new year approaches right around the corner, and my days as a twentysomething come to an end, I think its time for me to... to... oh I don't know... to embrace my life rather than to dissect it - or something like that.

Who knows... someday I may revisit blogging, but surely then, it be in a different form because for then it will be for different reasons.

I promise you this tho, you haven't seen the end of thatmattdude. I will always continue to contribute, share, write, debate, and amuse the world around me. After all, I'm one hell of a guy and it'd be a waste not to. =)

Final thoughts?

I'm thankful. I think I really am.

ALSO! catch me in the new Instinct and Advocate issue AND look for me here!

Yes, sometimes I'm shameless- but com'n, when it comes to blogging... aren't we all.



1 early morning
1/2 part creamer
3 parts black coffee
10 cups in the dishwasher
1 martini glass

I feel so ghetto.



Lately I've been sleeping with my contact lenses on. They are HARD LENSES so I know that can be dangerous. I've heard the stories where the lense goes back into your head during R.E.M. sleep.

Although this worries me at first, I can't help but to think that if I did end up having a piece of plastic surgically removed from my eye in the emergency room... wouldn't it be the perfect excuse to get LASIK while I'm at it and demand my insurance to cover it?



Yesterday was my last day at the "Desperate" and "Lost" network.
Last night I had dreams of being in leather at a wedding in which my former pastor disappovingly noted "You look very handsome."
Today, I'm all gel'd up, ready to start my new gay job.
My attire for my first day at work??? My black Kenneth Cole "ass-huggin" pants.

Feels like life is making some kind of joke there cause I'm just grinning ear to ear this morning!



It's been a while, I know. Lots of crazy things going on in my life right now. Most good, some bad. I admit I am drawn to slippery slopes, amusing myself with the indulgent fall, but I always know when to stand alone.

So the only thing I want to do right now is to put something out there that is honest and unaffected. I want to remind myself of who I am and list the things that make me - only me.

It is the only certainty I know and for now, perhaps the best thing I can contribute to such a hazy time of conformity, political corruption, packaged beauty, and clones complimenting clones.

For me,
It is about
Art around tornadoes.
Dreams about tornadoes.
Dreams about flying and games.
I always fly and its always some game.
Little House on the Prairie,
The theme song especially,
And Laura Ingalls.
My Amy Grant cassettes.
Legos and Battle beasts.
Nightmares about Fembots.
Freddy Krueger, for being deliciously evil.
Reading the Bible,
Particularly, the book of Revelation.
Sneaking thru the pink aisle at Kmart.
Wonder Woman and her CBS and ABC costume.
Jose Canseco and his firm ass.
Nips and tongue in the ear.
Mariah Carey,
She's a stupid bitch and I love her.
Two years as a Middle School Teacher
Were the two best years of my life.
I hate how my voice, mumbles.
I love multi-tasking and lists
I hate that my cheeks are high.
I love that people find me attractive.
I hate that I'm fooling them.
I still think I'm psychic.
Evil Genius some may say.

I can fuck up spaghetti at times.
I hate that I miss Jim "Black Fly"
Love lost but not forgotten.
Ann and Jin Ah,
My girls.
Ho Gull.
Mr. Chun.
Mr. 138.
It's all about my mom,
My dad and my sister.
My dead grandmother.
The real me.
I want to hold on to the real me.

How about you?