So until about 5 minutes ago, I always thought Siegfried and Roy were known as Sigmund and Freud.



Looks like they finally got sick and tired of themselves like the rest of the country.



When I watch the coverage of President Bush's blatant push for restricting the rights of the gay community, I feel almost embarssed, almost like an unwelcomed visitor, almost like an unfairly convicted felon... There he is - my PRESIDENT - on the TV - leading the nation with his teleprompted speech. My stomach begins to knot and it all just seems hopeless.

But then there's PASSION and I just burn with a desire to be a contributing voice in a chorus that needs to be audible and present. A chorus that inspires others to join in.

There's HUMANITY and I know in the deepest part of my soul that I am entitled to the same pursuit of life, love and every other damn thing thats out there for all to enjoy.

There's JUSTICE knowing that in the years to come, people like the PRESIDENT and those around us that refuse to open their minds and hearts to the gay community will hide their ignorant past in shame because it will happen. It will happen. I hate to be obnoxious about it but it will most definitely happen.



Im sorry but Ryan Seacrest's nose is VERY CROOKED.

Everyone knows it. Everyone sees it. So WHY is it that his nose looks perfectly align in those gigantic billboards for his ON-AIR show here in LA?

Com'n now...



Today I met an 18 year old Korean kid who just moved to LA a few months ago. Accepted to Harvard and Princeton, he courageously decided that his first priority in finding himself was to come out to his parents. As a result, he was forced out of his home and his comfort zone and is now, in LA, working a blue collar job in the morning and volunteering at a non profit gay organization in the afternoons.

My heart breaks thinking about his situation and altho he shys away from talkin about his painful family situation, he is refreshingly optomisitic and hopeful for his future.

18 years old ! A DECADE younger than I am.

A friend and I drove him home to his small rental apt. On the way, we passed several million dollar homes of people who no doubt had made it .. at least financially. The contrast was very humbling and I could not help but to think about my life and my home with my parents who I am so fuckin fortunate to have as my own.

I am neither here nor there, somewhere in between instead. I am ashamed that I do have answers for this kid but yet inspired by his energy. I want more than anything to give this kid some guarantees but I guess the only I can do so is to find myself, to find hope in my dreams, to be thankful for what I have, and to live day by day rejoicing in the fact that I am free to be me.

If I can do that now, then its possible for me to see a bright future for this kid as well... because ultimately, for my salvation and the salvation of the rest of us, I need to see that we can ALL be well.



So on my way to lunch, I ended up walking into the elevator with the President and the Chairman of my company. I thought about turning around - pretending I forgot something at my desk but then it would be obvious that I purposely left feeling very intimadated by them. Its ok. I'll just say something casual and make a good impression on them.




Let me walk over to this corner and take and breath before I say something. Damn my heart is racing. I should just say something with confidence. It doesnt matter what.

I should just say something. Right now. Something casual. but what? How about "Hows it goin?" or maybe a "There's a lot of changes in store huh?" or maybe they will say something to me..


Or at least say something to each other! Why arent they talking.. Maybe I wasn't supposed to enter this elevator. Maybe its common knowledge that you do not enter elevators with the President and the Chairman cause you will make them feel uncomfortable. Damn. I should not have entered. Maybe I should just hit floor 10 and get off.


No thats stupid cause its too late to push a button now.. either they will think Im a moron or they will know that I want out of this elevator. I know that they know that I know who they are. My cubicle is right by there oversized offices. I should acknowledge them at least. I should take the first step and say something.



Maybe I should NOT say anything at this point. Maybe I should pretend to fiddle with my shirt button instead.

OK. That took care of those 2 seconds. Someone please say something! Maybe I'll shuffle my feet a bit.

Shuffle Shuffle


Of course this elevator ride makes no stops for additional characters. It's just me, the President and the Chairman. I should totally say something when we are exiting.. like "Have a good one" or "These elevators sure take forever, don't they?"

or maybe I could just turn right now and say.. "I dont think we've formally met but Im Matt and I create those daily reports you get." ..but what if they just stare at me pretending to not know who I am... which I KNOW THEY KNOW but they dont have to acknowledge that. Its their privilege as executives. right?


Maybe the best thing to do at this point is to just show respect by not sayin anything.

5 more floors to go.

Beep - 4

Beep - 3

I should totally say.. "Have a good lunch !"

Beep - 2

Should I let them out first? or should I go? or should they?



God I hate my life.



So thanks to my boss, Im that much closer to buying one of these suckers. They are so damn cool. I just fear tho that once I buy one I'm signing up for a lifetime membership to the IPOD cult. Soon I will have an IPOD bag, and IPOD workstation, I will start choosin to buy all my gadgets in that creamy translucent white. Then my entertainment system at home and in my car will have to be built around the IPOD, and then my cell phone will be linked to my IPOD (cause you know thats coming)..

and then it will break and I'll have to spend another $499 to continue my obsession.

hmm.. is it worth it?



1. Matt can change himself to straight if he really wanted to and asked God for help
2. How can Matt know if he's not straight if he's never gone “all the way” with a girl
3. Maybe Matt chose to be gay because he's always seeking attention for himself
4. But Matt dated girls before !
5. But Matt was in love with Mariah Carey!
6. Can't Matt just try or at least pretend to be straight. Its much better than being gay.
7. Wont Matt get tired of the promiscuous and shallow gay lifestyle and change back.
8. Matt is just in an emotional crisis right now. Its a phase. He’ll get over it.
9. Matt's father must have been distant in Matt's childhood

Perhaps shows like Will & Grace, Queer Eye, and Six Feet Under that reach such a mass audience should take their success and address at least once in their storylines -these common misconceptions about Matt. I mean its ludicrous how many people love these shows and still hold on to their ignorant misconceptions. They are watching these shows under the assumption that Will and Jack and the Fab 5 chose to be gay instead of straight and ooo.. look how funny they can be at it ! Umm.. does anyone else see this dilemma? anyone? anyone?



So I went from having barely any distractions to all of a sudden a few new ones (and one old one). Why does it all have to come at once like that? What if there's a finite number of potentials out there and I am running through all my options at such an alarming rate. Damn.

But dont' get me wrong.. Im not complaining.

Oh well, here's to 2004 ! Hopefully my screenplay (I'm Matty in Love: The First Time's a Bitch) will be finished, my book (Sorry, Not My Type) finished, and I'll have nabbed myself one of these distractions as my own. Not the one from the past tho. God I sooo hate him for betraying me. Makes me sick. Didnt even get a real apology - just a bunch of excuses.