MY NEW STRAIGHT HERO



Excerpts from Bill Maher's closing monologue (courtesy of my friend Jeff) ....

... why does the Bush Administration want a Constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, why stop at weddings? Birthdays are important; let's put them in the great document. Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake. [laughter] [applause]...You know, to send the right message to kids. [laughter]

If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli. [laughter] [applause] If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to promote marriage, but gay marriage is opposed because it threatens or mocks or does something to the 'sanctity' of marriage, as if anything you can do in Vegas, drunk off your ass in front of an Elvis impersonator, could be considered sacred. [laughter] [applause]

All right, but at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue. They really believe that homosexuality is an abomination and a dysfunction that's curable. They believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay, because that theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests. [laughter] [applause]

But I have to tell you, the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an abomination. And therefore, their refusal to endorse gay marriage is hypocrisy. [applause] Their position doesn't come from the Bible. It's ripped right from the latest poll, which says most Americans are against gay marriage.

Well, you know what? Sometimes most Americans are just wrong. [applause]

And where is the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of 'civil union' and 'hate the sin, love the sinner' and say loud and clear, 'There is no sin; it's not an abomination and no one can control how cupid aims his arrows. And the ones who pretend they can usually turn out to be the biggest freaks.' [laughter] [applause] [cheers]

The law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100% outrageously, fabulously, undeniably, Fire Island gay! [applause] [cheers]

And they do not need reprogramming. [applause] [cheers]

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. That's our show."

TODAY I FEEL LIKE SHIT

Work is worthless shit. My boss is taking out his own shit on me. Egos in this industry are horseshit. I have shitload of work to do but incompetent people who cant take care of their own shit just keep shittin on my already shitty day. Bush is shit. His statements are a crock of shit. The fact that he has never publicly used the word "gay" or "lesbian" during his office and yet feels compelled to restrict the opportunities of a group he can't even verbally acknowledge is bullshit. Being so far away from family is unfortunate shit. Misunderstandings are tough shit. The need to connect is unnecessary shit. The weather in "sunny" LA today is all cloudy and shit. Bottomline, there's just too much shit today and I feel it.

Oh, my car is a piece of shit too.

DEAR BLOG,

Its me, Matt. I cant believe this year is going by so fast. Almost March which means almost my birthday which means almost 29 which means almost 30 which means almost mid life which means almost crisis which means almost... ok I'll stop.

Things have been real good. I won Trivial Pursuit DVD Pop Culture edition last weekend with the answers "Lemming" and "Starcraft." I downloaded the FULL Paris Hilton sex tape. I got a new expanded bigger cubicle. Ive been working on a TV pilot with Matt Lum under M2M Productions. Im gonna go home to see my parents in a few weeks as well as see my first and only girlfriend get married. Im thinking of Hawaii or Tokyo or Missouri as a place to visit this year. My friend Ann is pregnant again. Seems like everyone's getting pregnant. First everyone's grandparents were dying. Then everyone was getting married. Now everyone's getting pregnant. Guess I missed that wave.

Oh ~ I'm being shown off by Steve to his friends this weekend. Awe. Makes me feel kinda special in fact. "Didnt anyone give you enough attention" - Bill Murray

The last two significant others did nothing of the sort. They were always trying to hide me from others. Maybe it was because I had bad hair and looked scruffy all the time

This is so damn boring I dont even know why I write to you Blog. You never respond. I hate you.

but dont leave me.

TO FLOWER OR NOT TO FLOWER

So Steve got me flowers for valentines. I have to admit I was a bit blindsided since I never have gotten flowers before nor have I ever gotten flowers for a guy. I had to take a moment (poor Steve) to decide whether or not I even LIKED flowers.

Factoid:
Gerbera Daisies. A native flower of South Africa. According to NASA, they are good at removing benzene from the air.

Anyway they definitely brighten up my room and since Ive gotten them, I dont smell any benzene anymore !

Im still not sure whether or not I like flowers.. but I am beginning to like Steve. =)

MONEY TIP
If you've got the money, buy some Disney stocks.

MUSIC TIP
Maroon 5 - Check out the song "This Love"

LOVE TIP
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

OFFICE TIP
To prevent awkward moments, go to the bathroom on a different floor.

QUEER EYE TIP
Unless you're a kid in school or a member of Boyz II Men, denim shorts just don't work.

Q TIP
Why does it feel so good when you dig into your ears even tho you are advised not to.

CAN A VALENTINE BE NEUROTIC?

I made the cutest valentine gift/card for Steve, my date for the coming weekend. I was kinda excited bout it so I thought I'd share it on this blog and I just got done typing a vivid paragraph describing it but now Im gonna delete it for several reasons.

Why?

1. Well, I tend to overhype things like -"Oh my god, this is the best movie ever! you have to see it. It will change your life" - kinda deal which ultimately the results always end up disappointing the person that Im sharing it with.

2. Its hard to describe in words the visual punch of my creative creation so I thought maybe I'd better not even try because then people would read about it and leave a boring and uninteresting comment like - "Oh that sounds nice."

3. I dont want people to see how cheesy and sentimental I can be. I prefer the stotic tough guy image that I carefully and sucessfully project. Right? Right?

4. Also, Steve reads this blog occasionally and I dont want him to feel pressured to maybe have a little something special prepared for me... altho it would be awfully a nice gesture, Steve. =)

5. I was also gonna scan a pict of it and share it on here but then that would require scanning at the office and html codes that Im just learning to do as you can see and that would just be too much effort for such a small thing that is so not a big deal and so not worth writing a lengthy 5 point paragraph blog about.

So those are my reasons for not sharing what I believe is truly one of the cutest valentine ever made.

VALENTINES

I wrote this two years ago...
I think this Valentines I might singing a different tune...

Valentines Day

Tis the season to be lonely
To remember when
To wonder if
To hope for
To love
In the least, it starkly outlines our individuality
And implies our absolute need for companionship

But could the truth be hiding within the cliche
Crafted in so many words
Sung in so many ways
That we must learn to love oneself
Before loving someone else

Do you really believe that?
Do people actually live by that?

Cause Im gonna need someone other than me
To whisper it once again.
And then maybe it wont sound so whimsical
Maybe this time it will be enough
Cause I do sooo want it to be enough

That between God and myself
My foundation is strong
Worthy on its own
And without need

But for me...
At least for today
It's 'tis the season to be lonely'
fa la la la la
la la... la.... la

WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU?

This is funny and sadly kinda true...



What Classic Movie Are You?

Dont forget to tell me your MOVIE in the comment section !

DOWN SYNDROME TREE JOKE

Ive always been an avid student of the human psyche. So in 7th grade, when a kid with Down Syndrome had joined our church group, I naturally had to conduct some studies.

One of the first things I noticed was that "Corky" was quite jovial and would often eagerly laugh along in our conversations- even if it was an inside joke.

Hmm, I wondered.

So one day when we were all with Corky, I whispered to my buddies and told them to laugh at whatever I would say next. With that, I busted out laughing "The tree is green. It's green. The tree is green!" On cue, everyone played along and laughed and pointed at the trees around us.

Soon poor ol Corky was feeling left out and so he started to laugh and shout "Oooh. The tree is green. Haha. The tree is green! Hahaha."

Now of course at that point we were cracking up even more.. which only encouraged Corky to continue with the green punchline.

Oh man... Those were good times.

I wonder tho if Corky just laughed to fit in, knowing well that a tree being green just aint that funny. Or maybe perhaps he's still somewhere, laughing every spring when the trees bloom into that funny shade of green that he fondly remembers.

Oh Corky. Im so sorry. It was a joke.

It was just a joke.