I think my now-former roommate used my hair clippers to trim his pubes.
I got my condo keys and I'm about to start the first phase of moving.



I don't know about you but I love packing. I hate the actual moving part and the unpacking can sometimes be a bit chore-like but the actual act of packing and boxing up all my belongings is strangely exciting and stress relieving.

Maybe it has to do with throwing out the unncessary clutter or letting go of things unused. Maybe its about neatly separating, folding, and organzing the past into nice crisp boxes labeled with a red or blue sharpee. (I love sharpees too for some reason) The anticipation gets to me I guess. There's a lot of movement in packing and for me, movement yields hope. Hope that I am well on my way.

So I'm all good with the packing. How about helping me with the move?



This way, we can make room for one more !



Someone is really really REALLY annoying me these days. It really gets under my skin actually. Sometimes its fun though, cracking myself up about how badly I just want to throw up in disgust... or when Im stuck in traffic and falling asleep after a hard day's work, I sometimes use the thought of this person to get my blood flowing with visceral repulsion.

I need to stop.



"Do you realize that we are gay bloggers in West Hollywood headed to a bar to meet other gay bloggers? We are on the cutting edge right now, really."

This from my buddy Matt Lum as he, Darren and I made our way across Santa Monica Blvd. to OBAR the other night. It was to be our first blog gathering and aisde from the initial "Hey, I blog too. Can I be your friend?" awkwardness, it was as if we were all just at any typical gay bar, drinking our typical gay drink on a rather laid back and enjoyable Friday night. I'm not kidding. It was just like that.

Anyway, I remember when I was first coming out, I was both exhilarated and horrified to think that my new gay life with my new yet-to-be-made gay friends would orbit around a glittering ball hovering over 100s of shirtless muscled men in a place known as the ROXY. Around that time, Queer As Folk had just premiered on Showtime and therefore, my understanding of gay life was most definitely skewed.

Almost 5 years later, I laugh in relief at my naivete but even now, I am still constantly being surprised at how much more there is to the social patterns of gay life than what my neurotic mind cares to limit myself to. Meeting these bloggers as a virtual experiment, I realize that perhaps someday... maybe 5 more years down the line... somehow, we will all be free of the "stand pretty and hope to be talked to at the Abbey" routine.

Which is fine with me cause I suck at that one.



Continuing from a previous post

6. Favorite candy.
Gummy Bears

7. Last interesting conversation with a total stranger.
A young but tough kid who worked in the audio installation department at Best Buys. Obviously underpaid for the talents that he picked off the streets, I asked him about his future aspirations. He told me he wanted to open up a performance shop with his buddy. I encouraged him to think big.

8. Something you've never apologized for but probably should've.
As much as I holler and get angry when my roommate uses up all my stuff, I sometimes do the same.. (tho he makes it a habit and I just do it in emergency cases!)

9. New/recent celeb-hottie discovery.
Cameron Mathison as I posted earlier.

10. Something romantic you've always wanted to do.
Driving out to the desert somewhere and watching the sunset together. A campfire and cuddling would definitely follow.




Please be patient while I rebuild my blog. And if you want, you can stick around as I work on my life as well.

In the meantime, why am I only now discovering this guy...

and if that's not enough, check out my goods by clicking on some of my best ofs in the link section to your right.



So when I say "Fuck You All," it's not aimed at anyone in particular. It's more of a mental note to myself to not overthink things and to not overanalyze people and their actions/reactions to my actions/reactions. So with the weekend fast approaching, I began to map out the people I would see, the people I would hope to see, the things that I would do, hope to do, had to do, and most likely end up doing and out of nowhere I just had this well-needed visceral reaction to just say....

Well, you know what I said.

And with that new attitude, I tried to let life just fall where ever it damn well pleased and this is what happened...

- My young friend tells me that he is now positive.
- Drinks at Here with
Matt, Darren and Mario. I love those guys.
- A face to face "hello" with the cute cute bartender that I have been chatting with.
- At 2am, made a drunken call to the sleeping ex in NY. (why? why? why?)

- Ihop with Scott and Matt. Scott is bi. We refer to him as "Bi Boy." Is that rude?
- Dragged Bi Boy to The Grove with me where I bought an ipod attachment so that I could finally listen to my ipod in my car. (foreshadow)
- Appropriately at Abercrombie and Fitch, I ran into a semi-celeb who I used to be friendly with but now am too intimidated to say hello again altho I didnt see him making an effort to say hello either.
- I also saw Aliens vs Predator (why? why? why?)
- In the evening, I took
Steve out for some Korean food and watched him smile his cute smile while picking at his food like he always does. Pick Pick Pick.
- Then back to weho where we ran into our super gay heroes,
Mark and Joe and then to Bossa Nova for some yummy carameral cheesecake dessert.
- Ended the evening with some innocent and platonic cuddle time with an utlra cuddle-able guy.
(The latest trend? - whatever! Are we THAT unoriginal?)

- Woke up to watch Kill Bill Vol 2 in my underwear. Halfway through it, I felt so alive and inspired by the story that I paused it to go to the gym.
- Joe and Mark explained the rules of "playing tennis" with the ex boyfriend over afternoon drinks at the Abbey.
- Watched Six Feet Under with Matt. My prediction: Maya is so going to die.
- Came home and cranked up "Air Supply" and laid in bed reflecting over the weekend.

- My car was broken into.
- My radio is now gone, rendering my ipod and its attachment useless.
- My quarters are gone as well but hey! the asshole was nice enough to leave the pennies and my parking ticket.

It all feels just too chaotic, don't it? Perhaps it was my "Fuck You All" theme. Perhaps if I continue to just let go, release control of everything, it will all just spiral into chaos? Maybe "Fuck You All" is just a bit too out there for me. And why this need to asterik my life with such a theme / motto? Is it just too fucking wierd to think its all random? Am I being too academic? or too spiritual? or too much like myself, thatmattdude.

My new motto for the upcoming week: Fuck You All But Only Pretending *

Let's see how that goes.



You heard me.



Something's changed. I have become increasingly agitated by blogging these days. Instead of this haven of expression in which I can hide, it's become... well... well it's become exactly what I wanted to escape in the first place. It's like fuckin American Idol here now. We sing someone else's original tune as pretty as we can and then see how many votes we can get from each other and the public. Ugh.

Also, let's say hypothetically, I ended up having a good long talk with someone from the past. Am I just being nostalgic or sentimental or a masochist or hopeful or plain stupid or an emotional addict or just real or bored or lonely or needy or familiar or sexual or natural or affectionate or caring or wasteful or friendly or open or what?!?!

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood and hung over. Bon Voyage Sam!



2 years old and already you made your mark on the internet. You just leave it up to Uncle Matt to bring you all the coolest things that life has to offer.

Like a yummy virtual cake with the number 5 even though you are only 2. Isn't that cooooool? Right? Right?



MattL: Is that a white whisker coming out of her chin? [refering to our asian waitress]
Me: I know, I noticed it too.
MattL: Why doesnt she just clip it off.
Me: Asians are such poor people.
Sam: No they are not, they own all the convienient stores!
Me: Yeah, but who owns the corporations.
MattL: Whitey.

A few minutes later...

Waitress: Can I get you anything else?
Sam: Come here, you have a little something on your chin.

[The Matts gasp in horror, as Sam reaches up to the lady with his napkin]



Last night I dreamt that I was on the way to camp with a few people includ. DREW from Big Brother. Altho we were adults, the whole dream had a very middle school-esque feeling to it. DREW was sitting in the back, alone, so I decided to sit near him and introduced myself. Definitely playing it cool (and straight) we ended up talking the whole ride down about the existence of God and what that means to us. As the discussion got more and more intense, our bare knees would occasionaly butt heads and the hairs on his muscular leg would fence with the hairs on mine. When we reached our destination, I came in real close, sitting side by side, hip to hip and I reached behind and through the space between his back and the green pleather seats and gave him a big squeeze. He looked at me and smiled as if to say, "Will you be my buddy at camp?"

I woke up feeling so disappointed as if I had lost something... someone... some chance at something special.

God I feel pathetic.